


Prompt 23 and 24 - Anniversary and Acceptance

by Gwatson2304



Series: Pride Month Prompts 2019 [16]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Erm Alex is sad and lonely, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kara is a good sister, Lesbians Die, Sadness, This Hurts NGL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwatson2304/pseuds/Gwatson2304
Summary: So for the prompts Anniversary and Acceptance my mind jumped straight to the angst. What if one of them died? How do you navigate your wedding anniversary without your loved one?So I plan to explore how Alex would navigate through their anniversaries without Maggie. How over time she get's stronger, even though she is still so in love with the woman.





	1. First Month

**Author's Note:**

> I avoided death fics forever and then decided to write one! 
> 
> Massive thanks to all the people I have spoken to about this, shared snippets with and shared ideas with. 
> 
> It was supposed to be one chapter, instead it's going to be multi-chapter. I've not done anything more than one shots before, so please be kind. 
> 
> Comments are always welcome, Kudos are hugs and I love hugs! 
> 
> This part is unbeta'd just because I've changed it so many times, I don't think there are any huge mistakes that ruin the flow of the story (might have used the wrong tense a couple of times, oops.) Please let me know if there are! I won't be offended, I can just edit it then.
> 
> Don't have a planned posting schedule, will be writing them as I post so be kind and gentle with me. I started my first big project with a sad fic. 
> 
> Also the bar scene is based on this scene from 3x13 that makes me weep - 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8Q6X5a61lw

Alex sits in the bar. Not their bar. She couldn’t face that. The people their giving her sympathetic looks and telling her how sorry they are. 

She watches Kara enter and go straight to the bar. She must have tracked her down by her heartbeat.

“Let’s start here and I’ll talk you out of tequila.” Kara said as she sat opposite Alex, placing a basket of chicken wings and a fresh scotch on the rocks in front of her. “You’re two scotches in, no arguing you have to eat.” 

Before Alex could even say anything Kara was passing her a wing. Alex ate it, not really tasting it but she had to appease Kara so she can drink more. 

“You you wanna talk about it?” Kara asks, already sensing the answer but giving Alex the option. They both know why Alex has been acting how she was today at work with the Worldkillers and with all the agents at the DEO. Even with Kara. Kara had tried to convince her to take the day off, but if she had Alex would have been passed out at the bar several hours earlier.

“I just thought it would get easier.” Alex says, playing with her glass. “But it’s not.” Alex started to tear up. “I know it’s only been 18 days but, I just thought I would be able to at least function properly.” 

“Alex.” Kara says its breathlessly, the silent tears rolling down her face and the raw emotion both of them were feeling showing. 

“Alex reaches into her bag and pulls out her phone. She points it at Kara, “I have two speedials in this phone, one is you,” she pauses and looks up tilting her phone, “the other is Maggie.” Her voice breaks and Kara reaches out to hold her free hand, both of them silently sobbing. “I look at this phone every single day and I want to call her. I know she won’t answer but I just want to hear her voicemail message. Then I want to delete her, because it’s not helping to make anything easier.” Akex looks down as she says the next line, “I can’t do either because I’m scared and I’m weak.”

“Alex, no! That’s so not true.” Kara says trying to sound strong, but she can’t get her voice together. 

“But it is. If it wasn’t I would be okay.” She looks at Kara and whisper, “I keep willing myself to just get over it and be strong, but I’ve lost hope.” 

Kara squeezes her hand gently. “I never thought I would get over it, but I’m here and I’m surviving everyday. You are much stronger than me, you can do it.” 

“I’m glad you are the way you are.” Alex says as she squeezes back as hard as she can, knowing it won’t hurt her sister in the slightest. They sat there for a little bit longer, until Alex finished her drink then Kara flew her home. 

As Alex sat there she thought about how your wedding anniversary is the day you get to reflect on how much effort you and your partner put into the most perfect day of your lives. You get to remember the butterflies you felt getting ready, you get to relive the happiness you couldn’t contain. You get to remember how amazing they looked as you walked towards one another. They get to tease you about how you couldn’t make it through your vows you spent weeks on. You get to flick through pictures and videos and talk about your favourite parts and what you loved the most, you get to take her in your arms and sway together, reliving your first dance together.

Alex and Maggie did that the first two months after their wedding. They woke up and were so thankful that they had gotten married and were counting the months until they made it to 1 year married. 

The one thing they never thought of? How they would remember the day if there was only one of them left to remember. 

18 days after burying her wife, Alex finds out what it’s like having to face an anniversary without her. Their 3 month anniversary. A quarter of the way to 1 year. Her wife didn’t even make it to see their 1 year. 

When Alex got back to her apartment Kara came in for a bit, they put on a series they had neglected on Netflix. They still didn’t watch it, but it filled the silence as both women thought about what today signified. 

“I know it might be hard to hear this, but you both looked so happy, I was so proud of both of my sisters.” Kara whispers, staring down into her lap. 

“Thanks Kar,” Alex’s voice breaks a little. “She loved you so much, after you two got over your issues she really saw you as a sister.” 

“She became my sister long before you tied the knot.” Kara says, her voice laced with sadness. “Do you wanna see any of the photos? Or want any of the stuff from the box?” 

“I don’t think I can.” Alex replies. She had given Kara all of the pictures of her and Maggie, the digital ones had been uploaded onto a harddrive and deleted off of her devices. She couldn’t face any images of the love of her life. 

Her memory remembered well enough, just picturing her made Alex’s heart ache. She couldn’t look at physical reminders everyday. 

It’s why she hasn’t stepped foot inside the bedroom since she moved back in. She had stayed with Kara and Lena for a couple of weeks after Maggie had passed. She needed to be around her sister, and she couldn’t face the house they hadn’t long moved into. Kara and Lena had come back with her and had taken a box of stuff for safekeeping, for when Alex felt strong enough to look at the pictures and all of the memories they had kept. Ticket stubs, beer mats, tokens from everywhere they had visited. Maggie had labelled all of them with what First they had done and where. 

She just would never label anything “First Year Anniversary” and Alex couldn’t explain how that made her heart feel like it’s shattered into more pieces than the mind can imagine. 

“You can go home you know Kar,” Alex said, not wanting to keep her sister away from her girlfriend. She tried not to feel jealous. It wasn’t Kara’s fault. 

“No, she knows what today is. I told her it’s a Danvers Sister’s Night.” Kara said bumping their shoulders together. 

“She should be here then, she’s a sister to me.” Alex said making eye contact with her sister, who shot her a huge smile. 

  
“I told her not to, I didn’t know how you were going to be feeling.” Kara said honestly. “Then with how you were at work, I thought it was best it be just the two of us.”

“I really appreciate that.” Alex says playing with loose bits of cotton on her trousers. “I’m probably going to sleep soon though. It’s been really draining today and I just want to end the day. I want to say I got through the first anniversary without her.” 

“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Kara asks wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

“I’m sure, you get home to your wonderful girlfriend.” Alex says leaning into her. “One of us deserves to be around the person they love, you don’t have to sacrifice your time with Lena.” Alex makes eye contact with Kara. “You once made me promise that I wouldn’t ever let Maggie go. Promise me you won’t ever let Lena go.” She has to pause, not sure she can make it through all of what she needs to say. “That morning… I never said… I never said I love you to her… I didn’t even go and see the tac team off… I never saw her before…” She stops, tears falling and her voice fogs over. Kara holds her closer, wrapping her up in a proper hug. “You promise me you won’t ever forget to say it to Lena. Say it a thousand times if you have to. I regret so many things about that day, not going on the mission, not being on her six, but the thing I regret the most is not waking her up before I left for work, and kissing her one last time then saying I love you to her.” Alex is sobbing into Kara’s neck, not all of the words are comprehensible but Kara get’s it. “I didn’t know when we went to bed it would be the last time we kissed and said those words. So don’t take them for granted, it doesn’t matter that you are a Super, you and Lena both have weaknesses.” 

“I promise you Alex.” Kara rubs her back and waits for her tears to subside. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” Kara looks at her with worry evident on her face. 

“Honestly, I need some time just to remember her and to be alone.” Alex whispers. 

  
  


Kara leaves and Alex wanders down the hall to what was their bedroom. She hasn’t stepped into the room since she packed all of her own clothes and put them in the spare room. Everything of Maggie’s was in the same place she had left it that morning. 

Alex felt brave.

She turned the handle and opened the door. 

She was immediately surrounded by the scent of her wife, her lilac perfume was everywhere and it was suffocating. 

Alex looked around the room, trying to keep herself in there. 

Then she spotted it. 

She had missed the picture of her and Maggie on Maggie’s bedside table. She hadn’t checked their room for pictures, she was in too much of a rush to get in and out. 

Their smiles were beaming and the love was so obvious in the small still that James had captured of them one Games Night. They were wrapped up in one another, staring at each other. 

She runs out of the room, shutting the door behind her, and into the bathroom. She brings up the contents of her stomach and then sat against the bath. Letting the coolness seep through her shirt. She tilts her head back and closed her eyes, tears still streaming out. 

When she closed her eyes all she could see was the picture. But not just the picture, she was remembering the night it was taken and the things they had said. 

As she sat there she remembered one of the wedding pictures that was in the box. It was of them on the dancefloor for their first dance and they were looking at one another in exactly the same way they had in the picture James had taken. The images burned in Alex’s mind. She didn’t need to see the pictures or go into the room and smell Maggie’s scent everywhere. She could remember it well enough. She could still remember what it felt like curling up in bed with her and holding her. She woke up most mornings and for a few seconds she isn’t on the couch, she’s in their bed with Maggie. Then reality hits and she opens her eyes, she can feel the cricks in her back and see the empty glass of scotch that had put her to sleep the night before. 

As she sat on the bathroom floor she made the decision that she couldn’t do this every anniversary. 

S he needed to find a way to get through them, to remember Maggie and their love and still celebrate it. 

For the both of them. 


	2. Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 months Married
> 
> 1 Year Married
> 
> Anniversaries are flying by, but each one is supposed to have a significant present attached to it. 
> 
> Paper is for your first wedding Anniversary, Alex writes a letter to Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture I imagine Winn sends - https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwisz72M5rLjAhUy8-AKHTiGAzUQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fpin%2F319333429817376162%2F&psig=AOvVaw05uU4Wq4ekTWRGLdKRrX8N&ust=1563138132855606
> 
> Song lyrics use - Heaven By Kane Brown

_ This is perfect _

_ Come kiss me one more time _

_ I couldn't dream this up _

_ Even if I tried _

_ You and me in this moment _

_ Feels like magic only _

_ I'm right where I wanna be _

Maggie is in her arms. 

They are holding one another close and making out. It’s soft and sweet, the sun is hitting Maggie just right giving her a glow and Alex feels so full of love in the moment. 

Then she’s waking up to the feel of cold sheets, in a bed much smaller than the one she had just been dreaming of. The spare room had nothing on their bed. 

It had stopped being Alex’s bed after the first night Maggie stayed over. 

Alex had started sleeping in the spare room nearly 8 weeks ago, shortly after starting to see a therapist. After the first monthly Anniversary without Maggie, after the panic attack, she decided she needed to see someone. She couldn’t keep going on secluding herself and tip toeing around her own house. It wasn’t bringing Maggie back, and it was only bringing Alex to a place where she could end up joining her wife. 

She needed to get help, to get better. For her family, but mainly for herself. She needed to be able to make it through the day and come out feeling okay. She needed to be able to go to bed without drinking multiple glasses of scotch. 

She had gotten her drinking under control when Maggie had been alive. She needed to stop slipping back to her old ways. She needed to remember what their relationship had taught her and apply it to her other relationships. 

She hadn’t been there for Kara or Lena. She only spoke to Winn at work, and she couldn’t remember the last time she saw James. Her mum called everyday, it was very tense almost reverting back to before she came out. J’onn was the only one she was herself with. He understood losing a Wife. Everyone had lost someone close to them. But J’onn just knew how to approach Alex. She had cried to him, been angry and had even just sat in hours of silence together. 

Alex wishes they had just gotten one more time. The dream felt too real. She opened her eyes and looked at the room. Her belongings were in there, for all intents and purposes it was now her room. But it didn’t feel right. It was better than the couch. 

The therapist came highly recommended by Lena’s therapist, she needed someone independent of the DEO and of anyone she knew. The first few sessions had been rough, Alex had been resistant to talk. She may have chosen to go, it didn’t mean she actually wanted to be there. When they finally got to talking about the issues it became easier and now Alex was glad she had. 

It had made her feel ready to start going to Sunday Family Dinner and then Games Night. She had even hosted the last Games Night. Everyone was tense at first, it was the first time they had all been together in the house since Maggie had died. The only people who had been in the house since were Kara and Lena, and even that wasn’t for very long. It was Alex’s bubble and she hadn’t wanted to share it. But they had spoke about the importance of trying to get back to what her old normal was. 

When she had gone to get more snacks she had heard James whisper “Where are all of the pictures?”

“She can’t face them. They are safe.” Kara had replied sharply. Always defensive of her older sister. 

“It’s okay Kar, they are allowed to ask.” Alex had said walking back into the room. “I haven’t got any physical or digital pictures of M-Maggie” her voice trips over the name, she says it as little as possible, “It’s too difficult.” Everyone had nodded in understanding. “The one you took, of us over on the couch where you are, that’s still on her bedside table, she loved that picture.” Alex made no eye contact, it’s the first time she had talked about a happy memory related to Maggie. 

“You’ll get there when you are ready.” James said. “Sometimes physical reminders are no comparison to the mental ones we carry everyday.” They share a soft smile. 

“Whose ass am I beating at monopoly today?” Alex had said, trying to lighten the mood. 

It had gone well after that, and at the end of the night she reflected and realised she had enjoyed herself and had thought less about Maggie than she had since she had passed. She felt awful at first. She didn’t want to forget her. She didn’t want to be at events and not think about what it would be like if Maggie was there. But she also knew she couldn’t always think like that, it would cause her to despise going places and participating. It was something they had discussed in therapy. She was trying to find the balance. 

She looked forward to the day she could discuss her wife with their friends and family, but it was still too raw. 

Even on what would have been their 6 month anniversary, she goes to the grave and lays flowers. She spends two hours sitting, just talking to Maggie. Letting her know she was doing well, she told her about the cases the DEO was working on, how she was participating with the NCPD, but only because she knew Maggie would love her for it. She spoke about how everyone was getting on, how she was planning to go to Midvale soon for a holiday. 

As she was getting up to leave she presses a kiss to the gravestone, and whispered _See you around Sawyer, I love you babe._ _I miss you everyday._

She walks away, tears starting to roll down her cheeks. But she made it through. She goes to Kara and Lena’s for dinner, straight from the cemetery. They had invited her and she had accepted, they all knew the date and Alex didn’t want to be alone. Not trusting herself. Even at Games Nights she stuck to one beer, and was taking the sleeping pills prescribed, rather than the scotch she craved. 

3 months after burying her wife, and she had reached their six month wedding anniversary. 

Halfway to a year married, and she was alone. 

She pulled up at the apartment complex and got into the lift to the penthouse. She was welcomed in by Lena who wrapped her up in a tight hug. Then Kara gave her one. 

She wasn’t alone. Not really. She was surrounded by love and people who cared about her. 

As they sat at the dinner table she poked her vegetables around her plate and said, “She used to blend vegetables into stuff just to make me eat it without me knowing. She let it slip when we were drunk one night but I carried on eating it, I never told her I knew.” They were all laughing and smiling. 

“Such a Maggie thing to do.” Lena replied, “She told me the same trick for this one but super senses got the better of me.” 

Kara watches them bond over the memory, smiling bittersweet. 

“She always loved when the four of us would hang out. She finally had someone who enjoyed the same food as her!” Alex said, wanting Lena to know Maggie was very fond of Lena. “She said you two would be the team to conquer the Danver’s sisters and their poor eating habits.” 

“Well, I guess I will have to keep trying, in her memory and for the sake of my own Danvers I have to look after.” They are all wiping their eyes and Lena reaches over to hold Alex’s hand. She rubs her thumb over Alex’s rings. “She told me, if anything happened to either of us we had to look after the sister left behind. She never said how to cope without the fourth of this dynamic. But you are always welcome here, you’re my sister Alex and she was my sister too.”

Alex squeezes her hand, unable to talk. Kara stays quiet, she misses Maggie but she also wants her Girlfriend and Sister have this moment. Maggie and Lena are very similar, that had never gone unnoticed, and it built a strong bond between the two. Losing Maggie had hit Lena in a way not many would have seen coming. They kept their friendship between themselves, many people don’t know how often they hung out just the two of them. Out of choice, not necessity. 

As Alex was leaving Kara pulled her in close and whispered, “I’m so proud of you, you spoke about her and it felt so good to hear you talk about her. You lit up like you used to.” Kara kissed the side of her head, “I miss her so much Al.” 

They held one another for a moment and then Alex whispered back, “You two had a rocky start, but she always respected and loved you. I miss her too, but I have you and Lena.” They cling to one another then Alex departs. 

She crawls into bed and she makes a decision, she texts Winn knowing he won’t ask questions or push her for information. 

_ Alex - Hey, any chance you have a picture of her?  _

She only has to wait a few seconds before a reply comes through, 

_ Winn - You sure? _

_ Alex - Please.  _

She receives it a minute later. It’s of Maggie when her and Winn had gone out for Lunch. She had seen the picture before, it was his homescreen at the minute, Alex had caught a glimpse of it last Games Night. It’s from a conference they both attended in Gotham, Maggie is taking the picture and Winn is pulling a “serious” face. Maggie is smiling, her dimples starting to show, and she’s staring directly at the camera. Alex lays on her side staring at the picture. She thinks back on her dream that morning and then looks at the picture. She aches, but it also feels so good to look at an actual picture. She isn't ready for more yet. But this is enough. 

_ Alex - Thank you. _

She messages Winn back, then falls asleep looking at the picture. Inspecting every pixel and remembering things about Maggie, stories of scars and of better times. She fell asleep feeling a little lighter. Still heartbroken and devastated, but like she is getting to a better place.

_ Everybody's talking about heaven like they just can't wait to go _

_ Saying how it's gonna be so good, so beautiful _

_ Lying next to you, in this bed with you, I ain't convinced _

_ 'Cause, I don't know how, I don't know how heaven, heaven _

_ Could be better than this _

Then their one year anniversary hits. 

Alex wakes up feeling like she knows exactly why heaven is better and wishing she could be there. 

She’s never been suicidal. She’s never wished for death to come early, but right now she wishes she could just visit. She wants to hold her wife and celebrate one year of marriage together. 

She wants to spend the day in bed, but instead she drags herself out of bed and into her running gear. She runs until she reaches the cemetery. She doesn’t carry flowers. The first wedding anniversary is Paper. She has a folded up letter in her leggings pocket. It was something she discussed with her therapist. A coping mechanism of some kind, a way to get through the day. They had planned the whole day together and Alex was sticking to the plan.

As she approached the gravestone she let her eyes glance over it - 

_ Margarita Sawyer _

_ 29th March 1987 - 3rd September 2018  _

_ Beloved Daughter, Wife and Sister.  _

_ “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13. _

Maggie had always said she wanted something religious on her grave. Religion may not accept her but her faith was a part of her. The quote was picked by Eliza and laid testament to the fact Maggie died protecting the team she went out with that day. Her family may have discarded her but she was a daughter to Eliza, a Wife to Alex and a sister to Kara, Lena, Winn and James. 

Alex ran her fingers over the writing and closes her eyes for a minute, bracing herself. She presses a kiss to the top of the stone and then sat in front of it. She pulled the paper out and took a deep breath before unfolding it. 

“Mags, 

My amazing Maggie. Where do I start with this letter? I think I’ll start by telling you I was completely sober when I wrote it. It’s taken work but I’ve finally managed to stop needed a scotch before bed, I don’t even crave it now. 

It’s the 21st of July 2019. Our 1 year wedding anniversary. This isn’t really how I imagined us spending it. Thought we’d be in bed together, maybe on a remote island somewhere just the two of us. Not sat on the grass in front of a gravestone that has your name on it. I always hoped we’d go together in our sleep due to old age. After the tank I never wanted for either of to have to know what it would be like to have to live without the other. But two months after we completed one of our major Firsts and Lasts you left me babe. I still feel like it was a last for me, I don’t think I could open myself up to anyone the way I opened myself up to you. 

You were always a hero in many ways. You were a hero to me during my coming out, you were a hero to Kara whenever she needed another big sister. You took Lena under your wing and she looked up to you so much. And of course at work you were always a hero. We both were and we both knew the risks of being a hero. I never thought we would have to deal with the reality of it though. As much as you were a hero, you were always sensible and careful. I guess the saying is true, you can never be too careful.

My therapist suggested talking about what happened after you died in this letter. 

I fell apart Mags. 

I stopped communicating, started drinking and just lost myself. Everything I had built with your help was thrown to one side and I went back to my old ways because I didn't have you there to tell me not to. I can ignore everyone else, I could never ignore you. My therapist said it was anger. Anger at you dying and leaving me. Rebellion because I knew you couldn’t do anything about it. Starting to see her turned it around for me. I managed to stop drinking and start sleeping in the guest room. I still haven’t set foot in our room since what I told you happened on our third month anniversary. The thought of it has got easier, but without you I couldn’t. It was our room. It would be different if we still lived in the apartment, that was mine first. But this is our house we bought together. 

I can finally talk about you. At Games Nights we mention you, happy memories. We all wanna keep your memory alive. At first no one mentioned you, they knew I was struggling but I started and then everyone else did. I have a few pictures of you on my phone again. Winn sends me one every wedding month we would have celebrated. I think Kara shared my digital copies with him because some of them I know for sure he wouldn’t have. But I’m not mad, I’m relieved in a way. I don’t have to ask her for them that way at least. 

I think I’m getting to a stage where I’m ready to start hanging some of the pictures up again and start embracing that you’re not coming back. I keep waking up thinking you’re there. Even this morning I felt like you were right there in my arms. The dreams are easing up and it’s getting easier each day, but I also know I still have a lot of healing to do. I’m trying for you love. I know you wouldn’t want me to be destroying myself and be being reckless. I am getting back to a good place with mum and even have a trip planned. 

I’m going there for the other 1 year anniversary I have to remember this year. The 3rd of September. Mum wanted to come here but I know no matter how well I’m doing, I need to be in a safe place away from our home, away from the place I got the news. Kara and Lena are coming too and we’re going to light some candles and share memories. The four of us are going to go to the beach at sunset, your favourite time of the day, and just remember you babe. 

I miss you so much. 

I wish you hadn't left me Mags. But I know everything happens for a reason and you died doing something you cared about. 

It’s hard to celebrate an anniversary without you, knowing you should be here and it should be such a happy day. But I also know you wouldn’t want me to mope around and be alone. So, I’m going to have dinner with our sisters and our brothers are going to come over. I hope you’re shining down on us with that beautiful smile and that you’re watching over all of us. 

I love you so much,

Always yours,

Alex.”

As Alex finishes she looks at the headstone again and then pulls out her phone to flick through the pictures she has. She leans forward and kisses the headstone and presses her hand on it. She closes her eyes for a few seconds then whispers “I love you baby.” 

She gets up and starts to run back towards the house. When she gets there she takes a long shower and as she passes their bedroom she presses her hand to the door and whispers to herself “soon”. Then she goes into her room and gets ready to go see Kara and Lena. 

When she gets to their place she is welcomed in by a huge hug from Kara and then Lena gives her a shorter cuddle. 

“I’m glad you came.” Kara says as they sit at the table in front of a homemade Lasagne that Lena had prepared. 

“So am I. I need my sisters today.” Lena smiles at her and reaches to squeeze her hand. 

“You are always welcome here Alex, anytime.” Lena says. They share a soft smile and then begin eating. 

“You have gotten really good at this recipe Lena.” Alex compliments her. It’s the first thing Maggie had taught Lena to cook. 

“Thanks Alex, I found things to add and take away from the original but the basics are still intact.” Lena says smiling and sharing a look with Kara. 

“She would have loved to see you trying and experimenting with her recipes.” Alex says knowing it is what Lena needs to hear and she also means it. 

They eat in a comfortable silence and then Alex brings up the pictures. Kara pretends to act surprised and Lena just rolls her eyes. 

“We’re glad you are starting to be able to look at them again.” Lena says. 

“Do you guys have any of the wedding on your phones?” Alex asks looking at her hands. 

“Yeah, is there one specifically you want to see or just any?” Lena replies, Kara getting visibly excited next to her so Lena replies to not scare Alex off. 

“The one of the four of us and mum outside the church.” Alex says it knowing Lena will know the specific one she means. 

A few seconds later and some swipes, Lena puts her phone on the table in front of Alex letting her pick it up in her own time. Alex reaches out and an audible gasp leaves her lips. It’s been so many months since she has seen the two of them in their dresses. It’s been 9 months since she has seen a picture of the two of them together. It was hard enough to see pictures of just Maggie. But seeing this picture feels right. Alex analyses every inch of it, the smiles on both of their faces, the intense look of love they are sharing, the smiles from the other three women in the picture who are revelling in the love they share. The rings are glimmering and they all look beautiful. 

“After this picture was taken I remember mum turning and saying to us, ‘I have four beautiful daughters and I’m so glad I get to spend this moment with all four of them’. It was the first moment she accepted all of us together and told us out loud.” Alex whispers it as she stares at the picture, not being able to tear her gaze away from the small phone screen. “Can you send that one to me? I think it’s about time I have a new screensaver.” 

Kara and Alex share a smile and Kara comes round the table to wrap her in a cuddle. “I’m so proud of you Alex.” She whispers as she presses a kiss into Alex’s hair. 

“I’m sorry for shutting both of you out.” Alex says holding onto her sister. “I know I hurt you two, you lost her too and we should have grieved together. But I’m so glad you helped me when I asked for it.” 

“We never blamed you, I feel like if I lost Lena how you lost Maggie it would destroy me and I wouldn’t want to have anyone around if I can’t have the person I love the most.” Kara says stroking her hair. Lena watches the two sisters and lets them have their moment together. 

They get up from the table and decide to watch a movie and eat ice cream whilst they wait for Winn and James. They get halfway through Lilo and Stitch when the boys turn up, they decide to turn it off and Alex puts some music on Lena’s record player. 

James wraps her up in a bear hug first and whispers, “You holding up?”

“Yeah, it feels good being around family.” Alex replies holding on for a few more seconds. She pulls Winn into a hug and then they all take their seats around the Clue board. Alex had insisted they played, Maggie loved the game and they were remembering the two of them and celebrating them. 

“She was always so good at this game, I never got how.” Winn says sulking that he was far behind everyone else, being shown a card every time he thought he had it sussed. 

“I’m a detective, I detect Schott.” Four voices say at the same time. The five of them start laughing. 

“She was a cracking detective, remember when she guessed these two were going to get together before they even shared their first kiss?” Winn said, pointing to Lena and Kara. 

“She knew everything, Gay Yoda she was.” Alex said, smiling at the memory of the conversations they had shared over the topic of Kara and Lena getting together. 

The rest of the night is spent sharing memories about Maggie and Alex’s relationship. They talk about the wedding and their favourite moments from the day. It saddens Alex that Maggie isn’t there to share it with her, but she also is glad to be surrounded by the people who love her and who are trying to lift her up on one of the hardest days she had faced so far. 

They would have been married 1 year but Alex is celebrating it without her wife. She plans to continue the tradition of marking the years based on what the gift is supposed to be, to keep the memory of their love alive. Their wedding day commemorated and celebrated their life long commitment to one another, so as long as she was still walking the earth she would show how strong their love was. 

Living without Maggie was hard, but letting her memory fade and slip away would be the worst thing she could do. 

Their love is worth continuing to celebrate.


End file.
